With Spring approaching, many things are on the horizon: warmer weather, National Sons day, National Women’s Month, National Disability Awareness Month, and, as explored in this blog, National Family Day.
How do we define family? Well, it depends on who you ask. Some people identify their family as biological relatives and extended family. Others identify college friends, childhood friends, neighbors, community members and close coworkers as family that has been chosen rather than “assigned”.
While the need for mental health counseling is still on the rise after the pandemic, more and more people are acknowledging their trauma with a trauma therapist. To obtain an understanding from the client seeking counseling, a therapist may inquire about how parents and guardians have influenced one’s early life. Some influences can result in trauma and exposure to extreme events such as violence or substance abuse. As a result, individuals may have set firm boundaries or fully cut ties with their biological family in order to pursue new, healthy relationships and escape an unhealthy environment. You may be wondering, why is this important? These are biologically related families; how can someone cut them out of their life?
Humans require specific necessities to live, such as food, clothing, water, and shelter. According to Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, once the basic, physiological needs (air, food, water, shelter, sleep, and clothing) are acquired, we have what is needed to seek safety (employment, health, property, personal security). After those tiers of needs are met, we face the need for love and belonging, which we often take for granted. According to Maslow, genuine human connection and support systems are an integral part of human nature, as are friendships and intimacy. What does the family unit look like for some people? If I cut off ties, how do I create my own family? This concept is called a chosen family. This selected family is composed of people you’ve picked based on their ethics, moral character, support, love, consistency, and anything else YOU need. You name it. They can provide it!
In short, family can extend beyond the biological to include people who are there for you, who support and care for you, and who help to fulfill the human need for security, safety, belonging and connection. Some pop culture references to a chosen family include Lilo and Stitch, The Fosters, Glee, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Friends, Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal.
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